Back in 2012 I wrote an article about how it’s far better for someone in distress to talk to a professional counsellor than a friend or family member. Now seven years later it feels right to update and expand that piece in line with current attitudes and ideas. Since my original post we have seen views about mental health and personal stories being expressed more openly, often by celebrities like actors, musicians, sports stars and even Royalty. These people have done much to bring the whole subject of mental health into the limelight and have helped to improve attitudes to where we now see psychological health moving towards being treated the same as physical health. However for some progress is gradual and by this I mean we still encounter occasional derision around mental health issues by some who wouldn’t dream of disrespecting a person with a physical illness and so we sometimes still find prejudice if we scratch below the surface.

Previously I talked of what can happen when someone confides in a family member or friend and the result of that being the listener possibly feeling some responsibility for the talker’s situation. When this happens it’s a springboard for upset and hurt and may trigger the talker to hold back and not talk freely about their concerns and issues because they are afraid of upsetting the listener. An example of this could be the son encouraged to follow in his father’s footsteps and join the family firm, even though the young man had other ideas about his future. Plucking up courage to speak to his parents about his unhappiness and the feeling that joining the firm was a big mistake, he gets into a heated argument and decides that he cannot raise the subject again. The parents feel hurt by their son’s apparent rejection of their help and his ungratefulness at the chance to carry on the family business and ruminate on `where they went wrong. `

Alternately, if the young man has sought the help of a professional counsellor, things might well have turned out differently. He would have been able to talk freely without any fear of upsetting anyone because counsellors and psychotherapists are not personally connected to their client’s story and are independent in their outlook and because of their long training are virtually unshockable. A proficient therapist will be genuinely interested in their client, empathic and non-judgmental and do their best to help their client but they won’t advise them or tell them what to do. It’s all about the therapist supporting the client while he or she explores their thoughts and feelings and if the client can come up with their own solutions there’s more value in that then being told what to do. The client will be encouraged to maybe see things differently and helped to explore ways of resolving their situation. All this is done in the confidential and private setting of the counsellors own comfortable therapy room.

Depending on the individual client a profession counsellor will work with them along a planned path, which will start with identifying what the client wants to achieve in counselling, what changes they want to make to their lives and what their goals are. Through active listening the counsellor will help the client identify unhelpful thinking and irrational thoughts that are creating unwanted feelings and explain how to replace those unhelpful thoughts with new positive ones.

The work might include the acquisition of an understanding of the origins and development of emotional difficulties and becoming more aware of thoughts and feelings which had been blocked off or denied. Hugely important is self-acceptance and the development of a positive attitude towards self and movement in the direction of fulfilling potential as well as being assisted to arrive at a higher state of spiritual awakening. The therapist will also help the client to find a solution to problems which the client had not been able to resolve alone. Right from the very first session, the aim of counselling is that at some stage the client will leave feeling better about whatever was troubling them and with new skills to keep themselves psychologically well. So we can now see now that it’s not just family and friends being too close to be helpful, it’s also the skills the counsellor has to move things forward that makes things different.

In conclusion: Imagine that you have taken yourself away to your favourite seaside resort to give yourself time to make sense of something disturbing and worrying in your life. You walk along the front, taking in the vastness of the sea, the seemingly endless beach and the gulls riding the wind overhead. You notice families enjoying a day out and couples holding hands with eyes only for each other, oblivious to people around them. You reach the end of the promenade to where the bandstand sits upon a grassy knoll and decide to sit for a while on a wooden bench where you get into conversation with a total stranger. The stranger seems understanding and genuinely interested in you and you find yourself trusting them. You pour your heart out to them and talk of things that you have never told your family or friends. This is similar to counselling because counsellors are not personally involved in the situation and are impartial. Therefore there is no conflict or bias and you won’t upset them because they are trained to listen. Hence, there is no hidden agenda, no ulterior motive, no past, regret or guilt: the counsellor is maybe the perfect stranger.

What To do Next

If you feel counselling is maybe what you are looking for, or if you require further information the next step is very simple. Visit the Contact page and drop David a message via email, or call. 

To book a counselling session with David, or to request further information, please call in confidence 01823 443022.

© David Trott 2019

 

 

Travelling around Somerset and our neighbouring counties it’s easy to become accustomed to the lush pastures, rolling hills, woods, hedgerows and huge areas of arable land that make up our wonderful environment. To us it may just be the backdrop to our busy lives but to the operators of one of the biggest and important industries in the UK, it’s their workplace. We are talking of course about farming and the men and women who help feed the nation and add billions to the economy of the nation; the farmers.

According to 2014 Government figures the value of UK agricultural production (at market prices) was £25.8 billion, this included 970 million dozen eggs laid by 37.1 million birds and 14.6 billion litres of milk from 1.8 million cows. During this period 400,000 people were employed in farming and 71% of land in the UK was used for farming – impressive by anyone’s standards.

To the layman or casual observer, farming may seem an idyllic and pleasant way to earn a living. We see farmers out on their tractors or passing by in Land Rovers with their trusty black and white Collie in the back and we may think `That’s the life`. We might be impressed by the massive machinery they use or the nice looking farmhouse and buildings. We could notice the farmer’s children playing in the yard with the freedom that we wish our own children had. It’s possible that we really believe we see real farming life at the county shows where the gleaming white coats of exhibitors and their beautifully presented animals convince us that all is perfect and flawless down on the farm. We might then venture into the food tents and sample the delights within. It’s no accident that the red and white gingham tablecloths, cheese, pickles and crusty bread feed into our desire to view farming as a wholesome, healthy occupation enjoyed by wholesome, healthy ruddy faced people who love the countryside and the job they do. But there’s another side to this seemingly idyllic profession, a dark side that’s not spoken about very often, a side that even in our open society cries out to be heard and understood; mental health issues for farmers.

Countryfile Magazine drew attention to the prevalence of mental illness among farmers recently with the shocking statistic that on average one farmer will take his own life each week in the UK. In France the situation is worse where a farmer dies on average every two days. So why are farmers at such high risk of suffering mental health issues?

Farming can be a very isolated occupation and it’s common for farmers to do entire days without seeing anyone, a far cry from bygone days when many farm workers were employed on the average farm. As opposed to many other professions farming is a 24/7 occupation with very long hours, far less days off and holidays and with the added element of `living above the shop` where the farmer cannot leave the worries and stress of his work behind at the factory gate.

We have seen many factors over the years that have tipped many over the edge – these include Foot and Mouth, Bird flu, TB, difficult market pressures, flooding, and loans and mortgage repayment issues, any one of which have the potential to decimate livelihoods. As well as this there is the sometimes negative perception of some farming methods by the general public

The social isolation of farming can lead to a lack of support or a lack of other people noticing mental illness symptoms. Most farmers are male, and it’s widely accepted that men are less likely to discuss personal problems than women. This could be linked to strongly held beliefs that men should be able to sort themselves out or that seeking help is somehow a sign of vulnerability or weakness. It’s also known that men are far more likely than women to take their own lives.

The most common mental health problem is depression, one in five of us will suffer from this at some point during our lives, and farmers are no different. There are major differences between feeling low and being clinically depressed. When the latter develops, the person can be affected most of the time, frequently for a number of weeks or months. Symptoms can include tiredness, restlessness, low mood, falling energy levels, poor concentration, a lack of interest in things that would normally give pleasure, an increase in alcohol or tobacco use, loss of sex drive and suicidal thoughts. Physical symptoms such as aches or pains may also occur.

So where can farmers turn for help? As a professional counsellor working in a village on the outskirts of Taunton, I have had clients from all walks of life. These include mechanics, architects, accountants, cleaners, musicians, garage owners, web site designers, welders, members of the armed forces, dentists and farmers. Although hugely diverse in their occupations, they all had something in common; there was something in their lives that prevented them from leading a happy and contented life, a black cloud that followed them around and weighed heavily on their shoulders.

Talking to a professional counsellor or Psychotherapist can help immensely. One reason for this is that counsellors and psychotherapists are not personally connected to their client’s story. A good therapist will be genuinely interested in their client, empathic and non-judgmental and do their best to help their client, while at the same time not advising or telling them what to do. It’s all a question of support for the client – support to help the client explore their thoughts and feelings and support to maybe see things differently and to hopefully move forward towards resolving their situation. All this happens at the client’s own pace in a confidential and private setting.

As well as counselling there are other avenues open to farmers seeking help with stress, depression and other mental health issues, these include -

• The Farming Community Network  which answers calls in person between 7am and 11pm.

• Young Minds, the UK’s leading charity committed to improving the emotional wellbeing and mental health of children and young people.

• The Royal Agricultural Benevolent Institution (R.A.B.I.), which helps farmers and farmworkers of any age and has a contact number staffed during office hours.

• Lincolnshire Rural Support Network, Launched following a donation by the daughter of farmer who killed himself. It funds health check-ups in livestock markets, which have been used to spot early signs of stress.

Whichever path the farmer decides to go down for help, it’s important that one is taken. With deep seated habits of just managing or trying to cope on one’s own it sometimes feels right or normal just to carry on in the same old way but there is an alternative and that is to seek help before things get worse.

About the Author

David grew up on a small farm in Somerset, where as a young boy he helped with milking, the pigs, chickens , sheep and beef bullocks and in the summer, the hay making. He often attended livestock markets with his father at Glastonbury, Highbridge, Yeovil, Langport, Bridgwater and Taunton and helped with the family wholesale butchery business. Although almost a lifetime ago and set in a bygone age he feels it gives him an insight into the stresses of farming life and an empathic view of the valuable and essential work of the farming community.

What To do Next

If you feel counselling is maybe what you are looking for, or if you require further information the next step is very simple. Visit the Contact page and drop David a message via email, or call. 

To book a counselling session with David, or to request further information, please call in confidence 01823 443022.

© David Trott 2019

If one is lucky enough to be blessed with reasonably good health and also survive what life throws at us in our younger years, we will enter into a bizarre experience called `Getting Older'. This is unavoidable by the very fact that if we are still breathing, we are still alive and so getting older will happen. Often with youth comes the certainty that one is invincible and this heady intoxication of indestructible self assurance tells us that we will go on forever in this unbreakable vehicle called our body.   I know from my own experience that a belief exists that old age is something that happens to other people and older folks were always that way, having been born like that and so were never young.

So however intensely the young might believe this aging process will not happen to them and that they will somehow be spared old age, as long as they do not succumb to illness, accident, suicide, war or foul play they will gradually and inescapably drift towards the autumn of their years.  Yalom writes in The Gift of Therapy that `death denial` is a belief in our personal `specialness` and how we   believe that we will not be dealt with in the same harsh way that life deals with everyone else.  Therefore we will be spared that final journey, that unfathomable ending, that cut off point.

In our younger years, small changes happen without much drama or commotion until one day we catch sight of ourselves in a shop window and wonder who that elderly grey haired, slightly overweight person is.

It seems no coincidence that at the age of sixty, one becomes eligible for free prescriptions in England. This is because for many people, things appear to change at that age and the likelihood of some health issue increases.

As well as this, getting older means for most of us a certain loss of our good looks.  Our faces lose of their definition, gravity pulls them downward and our skin might become paler and lose some of it’s elasticity.  Our hair may become thinner and change colour and we could gain some weight.  I remember one lady who told me that she hated the way that she looked now and that was the same as all the other elderly ladies at the club she belonged to.  She spoke of her white permed hair, her glasses, paleness of her aging skin and the need to have flat comfortable shoes instead of the high heeled fashion shoes she once enjoyed.  For myself I could see that her image was not helped by the addition of an awful quilted anorak that her husband thought was quite `trendy`.

So psychologically how does this shift in the way we are affect us?  Invisibility is said to be common as one becomes older, invisibility in shops, bars and on the pavements, even the street charity reps, often look past the elderly to the next viable punter, which can add to the feeling of unimportance.  

Paradoxically, there has never been more respect and admiration then we are seeing now for the warriors of our armed forces.  Whichever war or campaign is being remembered, the nation’s hearts and souls back the men and women who have in the past protected us.  Sadly for many of these ex-service men and women, they remain traumatised by what they witnessed and still carry this mental scar.  For them, there’s no doubt in the positive value of counselling but unfortunately many from older generations will see such help as a sort of weakness and favour a spirit of `just getting on with it`, which I feel is a pity as there are many therapists out there with the right skills to help.

So we have the feeling of invisibility and one of unimportance but what of the father and mother whose flock have flown the nest?  They may have spent twenty years or so looking after their young and now they find themselves redundant as parents, rattling around in a house that once vibrated with noise and life.  Do they embrace their new freedom or quietly contemplate the emptiness not only in their home but also their consciousness.

It’s been noted that for some men, middle age and beyond appears to encourage thoughts of reliving their younger years by buying a sports car.   For many, owning what they had all those years ago is not possible, for example the Triumph Spitfires, MGB’s and Midgets are now rare and require lots of TLC.  The alternative is a shiny new fun carriage like a Mazda or a Toyota and one can witness many grey haired gentlemen once again enjoying the rush of open top touring.  However psychologically there is a lot more to it than that and our old friend Sigmund Freud would understand what these people are going through and what they may be trying to replace.  He called the human sex drive the libido and this is often affected to some extent by age.  According to the NHS Choices website –

`Many people lose some interest in sex as they get older, mainly as a result of falling levels of sex hormones, age-related health problems, or the side effects of medication. Older men especially can develop low testosterone levels, which can cause fatigue, depression and a reduced sex drive.  Speak to your GP if you're concerned about this. They may carry out a blood test to check your testosterone level and can tell you about treatments if your level is low. As women start to approach the menopause, levels of the female hormone oestrogen begin to fall, which can affect libido. Women can also suffer from low testosterone levels, especially after a hysterectomy. Testosterone is another hormone that can affect sex drive.  Speak to your GP if you're concerned the menopause may be having an effect on your libido. They may be able to offer you a trial of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) if it's suitable for you.`

A distressing worry for many men as they get older is Erectile Dysfunction (ED) also known as Impotence and this is the inability to get and maintain an erection.  According to the NHS Choices website -

`Erectile dysfunction is a very common condition, particularly in older men. It is estimated that half of all men between the ages of 40 and 70 will have it to some degree.  See your GP if you have erectile dysfunction for more than a few weeks. They will assess your general state of health because the condition can be the first sign of more serious health conditions, such as heart disease (when the heart’s blood supply is blocked or interrupted).`

`Erectile dysfunction is primarily treated by tackling the cause of the problem, whether this is physical or psychological. The narrowing of the arteries (called atherosclerosis) is one of the most common causes of ED. In these cases your GP may suggest lifestyle changes, such as losing weight, to try to reduce your risk of cardiovascular disease. This may help to relieve your symptoms as well as improving your general health. You may also be given medication to treat atherosclerosis, such as cholesterol-lowering statins and drugs to reduce your blood pressure.`   (Source NHS Choices)

Similarly to the way we attempt to turn the clock back with sports cars, we see the growth in toy fairs across the country where we see people urgently looking for that one thing that will bring back happy memories of childhood.  This might be that Dinky or Corgi toy, a teddy bear, doll, tin plate toy or train set.  I met a man once who had just bought a second-hand Tri-ang train from the 1960’s.  He told me that his family were poor when he was young and so they couldn’t afford these things but now he wasn’t poor and so he was going to have all that he wanted.  So we see people like this man attempting to repair a deprived childhood by collecting long desired items here in the present.

This touches a little into the TV programmes that are popular at the moment about `hoarders`.  People who live in cluttered houses, sometimes unable to function because of the amount of possessions that they have.  Often a lot of it we see as rubbish but the people involved are still unable to get rid of it.  Many of these programmes feature Stelios Kiosses who is highly regarded in the psychotherapy world.  Stelios studied psychodynamic counselling at the University of Oxford and is a member of the BACP.

We often see a theme or trend with the work of Stelios where he uncovers a traumatic experience in the lives of the hoarders.  This experience is often linked to loss and the collecting often turns out to be a way of compensating for this loss.  So the feeling for these people may be that of not being able to lose anything more, or perhaps more correctly anyone else from their lives.

For some as time goes on, there can be loss of independence and the need to have to rely on others.  This can be very hard and re-enforces the fact that one is older and just not the same as before.  Having others do one’s shopping if mobility is an issue, may be hard for some as it’s not just food but will include personal items that one might like to buy oneself.

Independence also includes money and getting older will eventually see people retire and this will almost always have some effect on their income.  Poverty in old age is a massive issue and too big to discuss here in detail but for many people the changes that they go through in later years will include some caused by their financial position. Often the phrase is heard that one has to be `really rich or very poor` because if one is caught in the middle, there’s little help to be had.

Loneliness, isolation and lack of communication may be big issues for people when they get older.  Maybe the person has had a busy working life interacting with customers and colleagues and suddenly they are cut free from this and now may feel confused about their role and place in life.  What do they do with their days?  Who do they speak to? 

So we see that loss can be a major element in getting older for some.  Loss of significance, health, visibility, communication and interaction, libido, independence – both financial and physical and perhaps the loss of a loved one.  This is where counselling might come into the picture.  It won’t turn the clock back but it may help resolve psychological issues brought about by the aging process and help the person to see a different view of their life.  This will in turn, enable that person to make the most of what they have and embrace the changes that they are going through.

© David Trott 2015

 

While Psychotherapy has had a relatively short history of a hundred years or so, the role of the psychotherapist reaches back through the murky mists of time to the earliest days of human existence, where we picture early man engaged in that age old endeavour of attempting to make whole the soul or inner being. Villagers who felt confused or worried about something would make the short journey through the mud and smoke to visit the wise-woman of the village to seek counsel and be helped to make a sensible decision based on the personal knowledge and life experience of the elder.

This situation remained largely unchained through the centuries until Sigmund Freud (1856 -1939) arrived on the scene. Freud was born into a Jewish family, firstly becoming a medical doctor but then quickly moving into Psychology. For most of his life he lived and worked in Vienna, Austria where he founded a system of Psychology which he called Psychoanalysis in 1896.

Psychology, Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis words all share the same link to the Greek word Psyche which means breath, soul or life. However Psychoanalysis was not yet for the masses and Freud’s patients were mostly from Viennese bourgeois society, which was very middle class, conservative and materialistic in it’s attitudes. Freud’s work largely centered on a person’s unconscious and he decided that there are three states of Consciousness. These being the `Conscious`– our awareness of all that is happening around us at any one time. The `Pre-conscious` – things like telephone numbers, addresses and car numbers, which are not present in our thoughts all the time but can be easily recalled when required. And lastly the `Unconscious`– information that is repressed and cannot easily be accessed.

Included here could be memories so terrible that they are pushed down and buried. Freud believed that the unconscious reveals itself in other ways and so he used therapy methods such as Dream Interpretation, Hypnosis, Free Association and the study of Parapraxes (Freudian slips) & jokes to unlock his patient’s innermost thoughts. His work remains the basis of various approaches used today by modern therapists and much of it has permeated into everyday language such as Freudian slip, Ego, Anal retentive & Oedipus complex amongst many others. Much of Freud’s early work was treating the ladies of Viennese society for `Hysteria` by way of hypnosis.

In modern times we think of hysteria as huge emotional trauma. Back in Freud’s time it meant a medical condition where a specific part of the body was targeted by very strong emotions. This could result in sleepwalking, paralysis, fits, memory loss, hallucinations, fainting and numbness in different parts of the body. His view was that neurotic symptoms were caused by repressed sexual experiences. Freud found Hysteria most interesting because the symptoms were so varied but oddly these symptoms would sometimes disappear altogether for no reason only then to return later. It was thought in those days that only women suffered from Hysteria, in fact in 1886 when Freud gave a lecture on Male Hysteria to the Vienna Society of Physicians he caused uproar. His lecture contained examples of Male Hysteria and this caused one surgeon to remark that because the word Hysteria referred to the uterus, it was not possible for a man to suffer in this way.

Unlike today’s modern counselling rooms which tend towards being rather neutral and bland, Freud’s room was said to be more like belonging to an archaeologist. There were ancient artifacts everywhere and the walls were covered with stone plaques showing scenes from ancient history. It makes perfect sense when we hear that Freud likened his love of archaeology with his work as a psychoanalyst. It’s easy to understand how he saw the uncovering of a person’s psyche, layer upon layer with the uncovering of ancient treasure. Today, most counsellors will use the onion analogy (stripping away layers of the psyche like layers of an onion) or a Russian Doll to demonstrate a person’s personality. As well as ancient artifacts in his room, Freud had fitted heavy curtains and thick warm carpets complemented by a number of large potted plants, maybe aspidistras in ornate jardinières. French windows led out to a small private courtyard.

It’s been said that Freud’s room was like a sanctuary for some people, where one could retreat from the hustle and bustle of modern life – a place where one could shelter from day to day problems, if only for a short time. This view of the counselling room can still apply today with the therapist who has taken the trouble to think out the interior of their therapy room. Today we see counsellors facing their clients; Freud on the other hand preferred to sit behind his patients, out of sight, to be less of a distraction. No doubt the patients sat or lay on a couch or chaise longue and it’s easy to picture the stereotypical view of a Victorian psychiatrist and patient.

Freud’s work included his study of a child’s development through biologically determined stages and their links to sexual pleasure. He described the Oral stage which focuses on the mother’s breast and the Anal stage which centers on the anus and defecation. The Phallic stage is all about the genitals and the Oedipus Complex develops when the child falls in love with the opposite sex parent. At the Latency stage, the sexual drive becomes dormant until puberty. The sex drive finally becomes focused on sexual intercourse with an opposite sex partner at the Genital stage.

Freud believed that these theories regarding how a child’s sexuality developed is indicative of the way a person’s whole personality develops but it’s worth remembering that Freud’s definition of `sexual` was much wider than just sex itself.

In January 1933, the Nazis took control of Germany and Freud’s books were high on the list of those being burnt and destroyed. Undaunted, Freud quipped “What progress we are making. In the middle ages they would have burned me. Now, they are content with burning my books.” All through this time Freud continued to underestimate the Nazi threat and stayed determined to remain in Vienna, even after Austria was annexed.

However as events unfolded it became clear that he and his family had to leave and so on 4 June 1938 Freud caught the Orient Express from his beloved Vienna, fleeing the Nazis and the horrors of the Holocaust for the comparative safety of London. Sigmund Freud died on 23 September 1939 after a long battle with cancer. Although Freud’s work has evolved and has been adapted by present day Psychodynamic and Integrative therapists, it still remains the basis of Counselling and Psychotherapy in the modern day and its value cannot be overstated. Freud remains the Father of Psychotherapy and the reason you are reading this piece today.

David Trott Copyright 2012

When I started to research the question of what’s on offer in the field of counselling in and around Somerset, I was surprised and heartened by my findings. For it seems that anyone looking for a counsellor in Somerset and surrounding areas will find a rich selection of counsellors and psychotherapists offering a wide range of approaches and therapies. We are fortunate indeed to have on our doorstep many historically important, economically expanding and very pleasant towns.

These include Axbridge, Bridgwater, Burnham on Sea, Chard, Cheddar, Crewkerne, Frome, Glastonbury, Ilminster, Langport, Midsomer Norton, Minehead, Shepton Mallet, Somerton, Taunton, Watchet, Wellington, Wincanton, Winsford, Wiveliscombe and Yeovil and not forgetting the beautiful cities of Bath and Wells. Each one of these areas will have various therapists.

More good fortune lies in the fact that this green and pleasant part of the country is well served by some remarkable Colleges, who in turn provide some remarkable counselling courses for anyone looking for counselling training. The counselling courses can range from an introduction to counselling skills or concepts, through Intermediate and Advanced stages to Diploma levels which equips the recipient with the necessary qualification to practice. The titles and levels of these counselling courses may vary according to the college and awarding body. As part of counselling training on the Diploma level, the student will have to find themselves a `placement ` to hone their skills.

This may be situated with a counselling practice, a drug and alcohol rehabilitation centre, college or school, in fact anywhere that counselling takes place and where it’s suitable for a student counsellor to work. A three way contract is then drawn up between the college, the student and the placement organisation. The student then works part time at the placement to complete the required number of hours for the course. Therefore as we examine what counselling is available in Somerset, it’s worth remembering that quite a few of the counsellors we see operating will be students working voluntarily to gain experience and to complete their `hours`.

A clue to this is sometimes in the low cost of the counselling. There has always been some debate as to the impact of the voluntary sector on professional counselling practices who strive to maintain a viable business. It’s fairly safe to say that Somerset with it’s mix of impressive busy bustling towns, villages and lovely countryside will be able to offer the counselling client a good choice of counselling methods.

It’s likely that therapists working in many of the major approaches will be able to be found locally without much difficultly. These will probably include Psychodynamic, Person Centred, Integrative, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Psychosynthesis and Existential, among many others. It’s said that the fasted growing approach over the last few years has been Integrative.

The benefits of the Integrative approach include the fact that it draws from the major orientations previously mentioned. It does this not in an eclectic way like pulling a tool from a toolbox but instead Integrative stands as a approach in it’s own right. While clients may be looking for support in stress & anger, low self esteem, low confidence & feelings of failure, anxiety, depression, feeling isolated lonely, suicidal, bereavement, addictions and obsessions, couples might be looking for help in their relationship.

This would require a specialist counsellor, trained in relationship and couples counselling. A good place to start when looking for a counsellor or psychotherapist is to visit the BACP website and click on `seeking a therapist`. By simply entering one’s postcode, a list of counsellors who are BACP members and who work within the BACP ethical framework will appear.

Somerset Counselling: Counselling in Somerset (what’s on offer?) 

https://www.somersetcounselling.org/index.php/taunton-somerset-integrative-counselling-counselor-blog/5-somerset-counselling-counselling-in-somerset-what-s-on-offer

When we confide in a friend or family member there’s a chance that person will feel some responsibility for the talker’s situation. This in turn will colour the listener’s response and possibly cause the talker to hold back and not to let it all out, for fear of upsetting the listener. For example – a daughter attempts to talk to her Mother about her unhappiness and homesickness while away at University. The daughter feels it was a huge mistake to have gone and wishes she had taken a job near home instead.

The Mother is aware of the financial sacrifices her husband and herself have made to provide this opportunity for their daughter and feels hurt by her apparent ungratefulness. The daughter’s attempt to talk to her Mother about her unhappiness ends in a heated argument and she decides not to broach the subject again. Alternately, if the daughter had seen a professional counsellor things would almost certainly have been different.

One reason for this is that counsellors and psychotherapists are not personally connected to their client’s story. A good therapist will be genuinely interested in their client, empathic and non-judgmental and do their best to help their client, while not advising them or telling them what to do. It’s all a question of support – support while the client explores their thoughts and feelings. Support to maybe see things differently and support in working towards resolving their situation. All in a confidential and private setting.

Imagine yourself in a town far away from home. You have something on your mind which is worrying you. You walk in the park to think things over and stop for a while on a bench, where you get into conversation with a total stranger. The stranger seems understanding and interested in you and you trust them. You pour your heart out to them and talk of things you could never tell your family or friends. This is a little of how it is with counselling – there’s no past, there’s no guilt – the counsellor is maybe the perfect stranger.